god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
