She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
