Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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