I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
