Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
