Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
