Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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