I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
