if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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