My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
