im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
