Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
