Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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