Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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