i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
