I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
