Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
