I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
