You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
