Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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