I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
