Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
