Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
