This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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