i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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