If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
