I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
