why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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