remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
