that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
