So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
