hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
