Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
