After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
