I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
