the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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