We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
