I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
