it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
why do cheetos always look like penises
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
