i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
