Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
