Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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