Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
