Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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