I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
