Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so let's talk penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm both gender and math confused
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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