ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
