My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
