I will die if light touches me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
