my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
