is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
