from now on my penis is your penis
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
