I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
