The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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