we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
