I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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