I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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