peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
