There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The uberlube is also flammable
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
