Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
