I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're too hungover to prance.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
