Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
