It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
