the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
