your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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