Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
