the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
