bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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