a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize