I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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