My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
