i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
