Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
