i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
