imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
