i need an iv and a liver transplant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
