In the future we'll all be gay
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
