So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
