But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
