I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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