I can tuck mytits in my pants
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
