Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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