if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are all done wearing pants today
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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