...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
