ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
