I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
