i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
