If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
