peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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