It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
