I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
