I am in a vortex of obligation.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
