oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Im part way to drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
