Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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