Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
