New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
