dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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