I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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