ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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