apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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