glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
