do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
