I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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